Dear Oliver,

Okay so we have been so busy with doctors appointments and evaluations that autism has begun to suffocate all of us.  I want to stop focusing on the diagnosis and start focusing on you.  Your amazing ability to calculate how to spin a plate on the kitchen floor long enough so you can lay your head down and try to figure out why it spins.  Your smile every morning.  The way you clap when I come in to get you out of your crib makes me giggle.  Some sounds you make are hilarious and when I laugh you laugh too.  I want to talk about you.  I want to write to you about all the things I love about you.  I want to keep record of your favorite things and how they change as time passes. Lets begin with last night…

You like to have two Binky’s at all times.  You will suck or chew on one while holding the other.  Last night you bit one of the nipples completely off of the Binky.  Not good.  When I laid you down in your crib you went to sleep pretty easily as usual but around 11:30 you started to cry inconsolably.  To the point where you had those little hiccups after crying too hard.  I brought you to my bed thinking maybe you had a nightmare.  I took your diaper off thinking maybe you had a diaper rash or wanted to sleep naked, but I knew it was the Binky when you tried to switch from one to the other only to come up empty-handed.  You searched for it and sobbed.  This went on until 1 am.  Finally you passed out but I didn’t sleep well because I was afraid that you might fall off the bed and I didn’t want to roll over on you or, god forbid, wake you up again.  So I laid there stiff as a board, breathing as lightly as I could, not moving a muscle.  I finally got out of bed at 5 am and literally walked aimlessly around thinking how am I going to make it through the day.  You woke up at 6 and the day began.

You were busy this morning Oliver.  You brought my clothes hamper into the living room and climbed on top naked as a jay bird and clapping proudly.  You ran back and forth from your room to the living room and watched Mickey Mouse while I chased you around with a spoonful of oatmeal.  When nap time came and I opened the fridge to get the milk for you, you decided to pee in the refrigerator and splash it around like it was a puddle on the street.  After cleaning you up and laying you down I planned on taking a nap myself but it seems like every time I put you in your crib I am wide awake.  As soon as you wake up I am a zombie.

You are so much fun and entertaining! You are strong and sturdy.  Today you love your rain stick.  That makes me happy because I love the rain.  You are most definitely my son and I couldn’t be happier!




7 thoughts on “Thoughts…

  1. I have to chuckle about your comments about sleeping and then laying stiff as a board, barely breathing. BEEN THERE! ha ha…

    I feel like I am reading my journey when I read your posts. Wow…

    Just a thought for you. You may consider testing for food allergies if you haven’t already. That comes into play for many kids with ASD. The gains for my son since going gluten and casein free have been HUGE!


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